Fudd: /fudd/ noun, informal; Definition: A gun owner, often an outdoor writer, who is too stupid to realize that their antiquated and idiotic opinions regarding firearms and the Second Amendment are being used as propaganda by those seeking to strip them of their firearms rights. synonyms: traitor, Quisling, imbecile, dunce, dolt, ignoramus, dullard, moron.
After reading what may be the worst piece of Fuddish propaganda I’ve seen in decades, I decided it was high time to pass on a few tools to help spot a Fudd when they intrude into the public discourse about firearms.
What follows is my Top 10 list for successful Fudd spotting:
1. All Fudds have a common mantra: “You don’t need an AR to hunt deer.” Even though the rifle has become the most popular platform for taking all kinds of game, they don’t care. To the Fuddistas, an AR, regardless of caliber or build, is still just an Evil Black Rifle.
2. All Fudds fail to understand that the Second Amendment has nothing to do with hunting. I’ve read it more than a few times. I’ve yet to come across any verbiage about hunting.
3. All Fudds have an inflated sense of self worth. They believe their opinions carry more weight than anyone else’s. After all, most serious Fudds were once published authors. They wrote for hunting magazines, when people actually bought hunting magazines. They were treated like kings — offered free guided hunts and African safaris that cost more than most pickup trucks. All the guns and gear, which were provided free of charge for the hunts by the magazine’s sponsors, they kept. Now that most hunting magazines are struggling, and the free safaris have dwindled, the Fudds are looking for other ways to gain notoriety and to return to the Golden Age, when people actually read what they wrote.
4. All Fudds must proselytize. They cannot sit idly by in their man caves and polish the knobs of their bolt guns. Given time, every Fudd will have to share their warped opinions about hunting and the Second Amendment, either through a column or an interview. Most Fudds will out themselves. This, friends, is a good thing.
5. All Fudds are terrified of anything tactical. ARs scare them. AKs absolutely terrify them. That’s why they want semi-autos banned. They hate the fact that the AR is the most popular rifle in the country, and they will never, ever admit it has become “America’s Rifle.” To the Fuddites, the AR is just a passing fad. The same can be said for their gear and accessories. It’s easier to find a Bigfoot on a unicycle than a Fudd with a red dot on a handgun.
6. Most Fudds are old, white dudes. I’ve never met an African-American Fudd, a Hispanic Fudd, a young Fudd or a female Fudd. True Fudds are carryovers from a bygone age. Their numbers are dwindling and they know it. That’s why they’re trying so hard to win people over to their side.
7. Most well-known Fudds began as outdoor writers — not gun writers. They’re used to writing 150-inch stories about stalking some unique horned critter no one has ever heard of, in a country where no one will ever go. If they lower their standards to actually review a firearm, it’s either a bolt-action rifle or a revolver.
8. Fudds have no tactical sense or skills. For the Fuddites, there’s no better EDC handgun than a two-inch belly gun with a five loose rounds in their pocket, which also contains a few dollars in change. (Try loading a handful of dimes under stress, boys.)
9. All Fudds go to the range for one reason — to socialize with other Fudds. They shoot an average of 5-10 rounds per hour, run their sucks incessantly, hog busy lanes and are quick to criticize anyone who’s rifle doesn’t have a wooden stock, or who’s a female shooter.
10. All Fudds are whores when it comes to product reviews. Every rifle they review is the greatest rifle ever, until their next rifle review. Same-same for their handgun reviews. They talk about things like “stopping power” and “hit potential,” to avoid provable facts or anything of tactical interest. In truth, they operate as extensions of their magazine’s advertising department.