Top 10 ways to spot a Fudd

Fudd: /fudd/ noun, informal; Definition: A gun owner, often an outdoor writer, who is too stupid to realize that their antiquated and idiotic opinions regarding firearms and the Second Amendment are being used as propaganda by those seeking to strip them of their firearms rights. synonyms: traitor, Quisling, imbecile, dunce, dolt, ignoramus, dullard, moron.

After reading what may be the worst piece of Fuddish propaganda I’ve seen in decades, I decided it was high time to pass on a few tools to help spot a Fudd when they intrude into the public discourse about firearms.

What follows is my Top 10 list for successful Fudd spotting:

1. All Fudds have a common mantra: “You don’t need an AR to hunt deer.” Even though the rifle has become the most popular platform for taking all kinds of game, they don’t care. To the Fuddistas, an AR, regardless of caliber or build, is still just an Evil Black Rifle.

2. All Fudds fail to understand that the Second Amendment has nothing to do with hunting. I’ve read it more than a few times. I’ve yet to come across any verbiage about hunting.

3. All Fudds have an inflated sense of self worth. They believe their opinions carry more weight than anyone else’s. After all, most serious Fudds were once published authors. They wrote for hunting magazines, when people actually bought hunting magazines. They were treated like kings — offered free guided hunts and African safaris that cost more than most pickup trucks. All the guns and gear, which were provided free of charge for the hunts by the magazine’s sponsors, they kept. Now that most hunting magazines are struggling, and the free safaris have dwindled, the Fudds are looking for other ways to gain notoriety and to return to the Golden Age, when people actually read what they wrote.

4. All Fudds must proselytize. They cannot sit idly by in their man caves and polish the knobs of their bolt guns. Given time, every Fudd will have to share their warped opinions about hunting and the Second Amendment, either through a column or an interview. Most Fudds will out themselves. This, friends, is a good thing.

5. All Fudds are terrified of anything tactical. ARs scare them. AKs absolutely terrify them. That’s why they want semi-autos banned. They hate the fact that the AR is the most popular rifle in the country, and they will never, ever admit it has become “America’s Rifle.” To the Fuddites, the AR is just a passing fad. The same can be said for their gear and accessories. It’s easier to find a Bigfoot on a unicycle than a Fudd with a red dot on a handgun.

6. Most Fudds are old, white dudes. I’ve never met an African-American Fudd, a Hispanic Fudd, a young Fudd or a female Fudd. True Fudds are carryovers from a bygone age. Their numbers are dwindling and they know it. That’s why they’re trying so hard to win people over to their side.

7. Most well-known Fudds began as outdoor writers — not gun writers. They’re used to writing 150-inch stories about stalking some unique horned critter no one has ever heard of, in a country where no one will ever go. If they lower their standards to actually review a firearm, it’s either a bolt-action rifle or a revolver.

8. Fudds have no tactical sense or skills. For the Fuddites, there’s no better EDC handgun than a two-inch belly gun with a five loose rounds in their pocket, which also contains a few dollars in change. (Try loading a handful of dimes under stress, boys.)

9. All Fudds go to the range for one reason — to socialize with other Fudds. They shoot an average of 5-10 rounds per hour, run their sucks incessantly, hog busy lanes and are quick to criticize anyone who’s rifle doesn’t have a wooden stock, or who’s a female shooter.

10. All Fudds are whores when it comes to product reviews. Every rifle they review is the greatest rifle ever, until their next rifle review. Same-same for their handgun reviews. They talk about things like “stopping power” and “hit potential,” to avoid provable facts or anything of tactical interest. In truth, they operate as extensions of their magazine’s advertising department.

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About Author

Lee Williams can’t remember a time in his life when he wasn’t shooting. Before becoming a journalist, Lee served in the Army and worked as a police officer. He’s earned more than a dozen journalism awards as a reporter, and three medals of valor as a cop. He is an NRA-certified law enforcement firearms instructor, an avid tactical shooter and a training junkie. When he’s not busy as a senior investigative reporter, he is usually shooting his AKs, XDs and CZs. If you don’t run into him at a local gun range, you can reach him at 941.284.8553, by email, or by regular mail to 1777 Main St., Sarasota, FL 34236. You can follow him on Twitter: @HT_GunWriter and on Facebook @The Gun Writer.

19 Comments

  1. Reginald E Hafner on

    Then there is the so-called combat Fudd. Sat on his butt behind a typewriter, a REMF, and claims he had an AR-15 in Vietnam and they are a weapon of mass destruction. This idiot can be found at anti self defense rallies and giving interviews as a self anointed expert.

  2. Rich Nascak on

    Don’t ignore Fuddspawn. Fuddspawn are the offspring of Fudds. Fuddspawn believe that because they grew up around a Fudd, they are now firearms experts by osmosis (and the fact they managed to survive). Much like Copspawn, who fancy themselves law experts because their father, mother, uncle, etc. wore a badge. See also milutary brat. Same mindset.

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  4. Awe…. But WAIT!!! I DON’T need an AR to hunt deer… I need an M60!!!!! lol!!!! Wouldn’t that trip their hammer…. lol!!!!

  5. So, firearms owners, disrespecting other firearms owners? Sorry friend but you sound like a RINO to me. I respect even firearms owners who choose a 60 year old flawed design as their main carry. We are either in this together, Or we are not.

    • boardsnbikes on

      Non-Fudds have been making that point since 1934, 1968 or 1994. Name your watershed year in gun control. At some point, the “we’re all in this together” message is not worth the effort. It doesn’t take.

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  7. I have an AR10 in 7.62X51/.308 Win for deer or whatever, and a Lifetime Senior Hunting License, but have not gone hunting yet. 5.56 AR (several) for Coyote and 1 converted to .22LR for small game, a 300BLK for wild boar/hog.
    So, yeah, ARs ARE good for hunting, especially if that pack of wild boar decide to attack.
    All my other rifles are WWI and WWII Military rifles of .30 caliber and would be good for hunting.

  8. The most Fuddish of Fudds would be all fine and dandy, and nothing to worry about, except for their tendency to lash out against second amendment supporters. If gun owners are criticized, surely then, gun owners are to blame, so the Fudd will take the retreat-and-appease route every time. He has no answer to the attacks from leftists. Emotionally, he has bonded with them but often doesn’t know it until he explodes in anger against gun owners.

    So you can stick with your white line-decorated, high gloss wood-stocked Weatherby rifle and your John Wayne commemorative edition Colt SAA and that’s all well and good, but the real danger of a Fudd is that he can never seem to make the case, in public, for the second amendment. He feels icky even thinking about it, and will lash out in anger if pressed on the matter.

  9. The AR is popular for many reasons… But calling it a MSR is OK with me as long as that means Militia Standard Rifle. Any “sporting purposes test” is part of a plot to eliminate all guns that don’t meet some arbitrary point test. The AR is the most accurate rifle the public can buy. It’s easy to learn to shoot well. Heck, even a GI can learn how to do it. Women like to shoot it because it doesn’t kick too much.
    You don’t need an AR to shoot deer. The truth is nobody should shoot deer according to PETA. Of course we know PETA means People Eat Tasty Animals
    But they want to demonize our rifles and ban hunting as cruel and dangerous.
    So any sporting test is just a backdoor gun ban by banning hunting and even target shooting.
    Second Amendment is easy to understand IF you just a little bit of history—
    1775 The Patriots who were in the British-Massachusetts Militia formed a non-approved militia they called the Minutemen. They did not seek permission from the Governor. When the call went out these unofficial militia men confronted the British on the way to Concord and Lexington to confiscate the arms (gunpowder, lead, flints, swords, knives and muskets and maybe some cannons).
    The Minutemen had a mixture of sporting rifles and military type muskets and the first shots of the American Revolution were fired.
    A year later the Colonial Congress finally got around to writing the Declaration of Independence in which the need for an independent militia was necessary to preserve freedom and rights.
    “… But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. …”
    It should be obvious that no tyrannical government, be it a king, governor or president, will approve and authorize a military force to constrain or depose said king, governor or president.
    When the Constitution was written in 1788 it included a militia in Art 1, Section 8 and men such as Patrick Henry immediately saw that this was a militia bought, paid for and loyal to the ruler and was not an adequate protection of liberty.
    Thus a Bill of Rights was proposed and submitted to the States for ratification that included a right that could not be infringed.
    For many reason, slavery being a likely factor, the Supreme Court has refused to clearly apply the Federal Bill of Rights against State laws and policies that do infringe the rights that Congress has said several times since the end of the Civil War apply to all citizens.
    Finally in 2008 and 2010 the Supreme Court did declare the Second Amendment is a right for each individual and that it applies to State laws as much as Federal. However it wasn’t written clearly enough that it can’t be twisted and slanted. In 1939 the Supreme Court clearly stated that military weapons were what they knew were protected, they just were not sure whether a shotgun had a military protected purpose. The the Supreme REMANDED the MILLER case for trial to create a record that the Court could take “judicial notice” and decide the case. That trial has not happened and the 1939 MILLER case is still open and undecided.
    The Second Amendment is published with certain words and several different number of commas, so it is possible to “read” different meanings into the same words. This may not be accidental, since it appears that there is a big push to republish the Second Amendment with three commas.
    In 1959 Alaska and Hawaii joined the Union and they copied the Second Amendment with one comma. Alaska has taken the HELLER / Scalia opinion to heart and Hawaii seems to have rejected it since teh right to keep and bear arms is infringed in Hawaii.
    To make it easier to understand I have made a small change in the Second Amendment for clarity.
    A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state ? [Yes, therefore.]
    “The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”

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