There are a spate of bogus “gun owner” surveys cropping up recently. You know the type — the ones that claim a majority of gun owners support such-and-such infringements upon our constitutional rights. They’re heavily touted in the media so they’re hard to miss.
I don’t know who these fraudulent pollsters are talking to, but they’re sure not interviewing real gun owners, if they’re interviewing anyone at all.
I thought it high time to point out the vast differences between a real gun owner and someone who just owns a few guns.
A real gun owner can tell you exactly when and where they purchased or traded for every single firearm in their collection. They can also tell you what they were wearing, what the dealer was wearing, what they wished they would have bought, whether they got a good deal, what was also in the display case and what the gun shop smelled like.
Someone who just owns a few guns likely inherited their firearms. They’re not really sure how they ended up in the back of their closet.
A real gun owner talks about guns constantly. They troll for other like-minded folks — especially at work. There’s nothing better than having a colleague or two you can talk guns with during breaks.
Someone who just owns a few guns never mentions their firearms. They don’t want to be labeled as a gun owner — especially at work.
A real gun owner watches movies with their spouse under a yellow “caution flag.” They’re been prohibited from yelling “He’s out of ammo!” or “Hand grenades are not nuclear!” or “You can’t suppress a revolver except for the Nagant M1895!” They’ve ruined too many action films by their constant interruptions, hence the spousal rule.
Someone who just owns a few guns doesn’t watch movies with firearms. They’re far too violent. They prefer films about people’s feelings — especially if Barbara Streisand or Meryl Streep are in the cast.
A real gun owner gets excited the day before they go to the range. They lay out all their rifle cases, pistol bags and ammo boxes. Optics have fresh batteries. Mags have been pre-loaded and checked — anything to save a few blissful seconds on the firing line.
Someone who just owns a few guns doesn’t go to the range. They’re too loud, too scary and too dangerous.
A real gun owner rabidly consumes pro-gun media of all types: NRA-TV, websites, Shotgun News, documentaries, magazines, The Sportsmen’s Channel, podcasts, YouTube and more. They own the entire “Tales of the Gun” series, on both VHS and DVD.
Someone who just owns a few guns watches The View.
A real gun owner is a proud member of The Gun Culture.
Someone who just owns a few guns has never heard of The Gun Culture.
A real gun owner has a box of old holsters they can never throw away. They have more than two-dozen metal ammo boxes, each labeled by caliber, and they know the precise location of every single item in their gun room.
Someone who just owns a few guns has no holsters, no ammo and no gun room.
A real gun owner talks about calibers, weapons platforms, impingement versus piston, optics and defensive tactics.
Someone who just owns a few guns talks about banning ARs.
A real gun owner can recite the entire Second Amendment, interpret the meaning of every single word and clearly articulate the framers’ original intent.
Someone who just owns a few guns knows the Second Amendment contains the word militia, but that’s about it.
A real gun owner passes on their firearms knowledge by mentoring new shooters, taking kids to the range, answering gun-related questions from novices and by serving as an example of a responsible gun owner.
Someone who just owns a few guns parrots anti-gun lies, rumors and stereotypes.
A real gun owner has strong opinions but they never speak on behalf of anyone else.
Someone who just owns a few guns will speak for all gun owners, especially if there’s a microphone in front of their face.